A few of us have been in situation where our boyfriend has tried to make us do things that are against our beliefs and culture.
Our Springster Mariam(not her real name) in this story witnessed a similar situation. She however was able to get herself out of the situation. Read her story on how she did it.
My boyfriend and I dated for a year before he started showing me his true colours. I loved and trusted him.
It started with him making me uncomfortable with his requests. He wanted us to go for a picnic, or swimming alone. One time he even asked that we have our bath together. Another time he said we should go to the beach or somewhere that is far away from people so we can chat alone.
Good thing my parents taught me how to know what is right and wrong. I said no to all his requests.
He said people our age are already doing the things he asked us to do. He called it normal. He said it wasn’t a big deal if I go out with him to these places.
He then asked if he can at least visit me at home. I agreed. When he came to the house he started to act weird. He tried touching my hands. I told him to stop, but he didn’t listen. And so I told him my religion and culture doesn’t allow it. He got really angry, removed his hands and went back home.
I told my elder sister what happened. She said I acted the right way. She was so proud of me for following what our parents taught us on how to handle boys and relationship matters. . While talking to my sister my boyfriend called me. He apologized for his behaviour. He said he was out of line. I forgave him. I took him back.
Things were fine until a friend of mine visited me. While looking through the pictures on my phone she saw my boyfriend’s picture. She asked who he was and I told her about him. She told me to quickly leave him. She told me about his different girlfriends she knew and how they told her he tried to make them do things they didn’t want to. She said he would destroy my life. She begged me to reconsider the relationship.
I found it difficult to believe my friend. I told my sister what she said. My sister reminded me about our parents advice on men. How our parents told us to always not trust men who will to pressure us to do things that are against our beliefs. That’s when I knew I had to leave him.
I started to avoid him little by little. I stopped chatting with him regularly. I became cold towards him. He noticed my behaviour and asked what was wrong. But I said nothing.
After a while I totally stopped communicating with him. I just couldn’t trust him anymore. Despite the fact that he looked like a good man he just wasn’t a good person.
He tried to get back with me. One day he called and asked if he could come see me. I agreed. When he arrived he brought gifts which I rejected. He tried to find out what happened to us. I told him I was no longer interested in dating him.
At first he said he was fine with us breaking up. But then he just started saying mean things to me. He said I was not even his type of girl and that he would have left me a long time ago.
I wasn’t moved by his words because I was so happy he didn’t achieve his mission to dishonour me. At that moment I truly saw him for who he was. My eyes became open. This was the same boy that made me stop telling my parents things.
Now I am back to telling my parents things. They have since taught me a lot about boys and what they can do. I am saved and happy.
My advice to girls who are dating is to learn to seek advice from older and trusted adult around them. They shouldn’t be afraid to say no to any uncomfortable request from their partners.