When friends fight

Learning that it is ok to be different

Your thoughts (15) When friends fight

Adaobi and I have been friends since we were 6. Since the day her family moved to our compound, we have been like 5 and 6. We go everywhere together. People call us ‘the twins’. In fact, I’m closer to her than my own sister.

Then one day, we had a huge fight.

There’s one thing about Adaobi that has always annoyed me. She just doesn’t know how to keep to time. She makes us late for everything. Especially for dance rehearsal. And I hate to be late for that.

I talked to her about it so many times. But she just doesn’t listen. Then a few weeks ago, we were late for rehearsal. Again. This time, we got into trouble. Our dance teacher shouted at us and put us on probation. I was so upset.

I screamed at her. I kept asking why it is so hard for her to just be on time. She got really upset. She said I should stop trying to change her. That if I was her friend, I would just accept that’s how she is. I couldn’t believe she wasn’t even sorry she got me put on probation. That’s the day we stopped talking.

After a few days, my mum noticed that Adaobi hadn’t been coming to our house. She asked me about it and I told her the whole story. She gave me some really interesting advice:

‘You can’t throw away a friendship just because you had a fight with someone. Especially after you’ve been friends for so long. You and Adaobi are different. You have your own personalities, you don’t think and act exactly the same. Sometimes that will cause problems. But that’s normal. And it’s ok. You just have to be mature enough to deal with it properly. The first thing is not to shout at each other. Even if you’re very angry. You wait until you calm down, then the two of you sit down and talk. Respect is very important in a friendship. When you talk, ask her what it is that takes her time. Is it chores at home? See if you can help her out. She will appreciate it. Or maybe you try to get to her house 30 minutes earlier than you usually do. That way you can get her to start getting ready to leave earlier than normal. You could also try explaining why being early to dance lesson is important to you, she may not have thought about it the same way. It’s better you try to find ways to help her than fighting with her.’

I tried out what my mum said. I noticed it helped Adaobi become more conscious of time. Thanks to my mum’s advice I have learnt how to better manage our differences.

To learn more about building safe friendships click here

Do you have disagreements with your friends? Tell us how you resolve them in the comments section.

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