It’s okay to let go
Dear Big Sister,
I’M IN BIG TROUBLE!!! Sorry for being so dramatic, but I really need your help. See ehn, my boyfriend is such a nice guy. He’s super caring. And he’s like this with everyone, not just me. My friends say I’m lucky to have him.
I won’t lie o, I wasn’t sure about my feelings when I agreed to date him. I liked him, but I didn’t love him that much. I thought love would grow. All my friends had boyfriends, and I was sick of being left out. But one year later, I just don’t love him anymore! It’s not that we quarreled. Or that he did something bad to me. I just woke up one morning and my feelings had totally changed!
I used to like his laughter. But now when he laughs, I want to run away. I don’t even enjoy his company like before. Sometimes I want to be by myself. But he never lets me.
I’m not happy! I so want to break up with him! But I feel bad because it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said yes to dating him at all. I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want my friends to think I’m crazy.
What do I do, Big Sister? Please help!!!
Regards,
Wunmi-in-Wahala
Dear Wunmi-in-Wahala,
I’m glad you shared your story. You’re not being dramatic. You’re just anxious, which is normal in such situations.
It sounds as if you’re different from who you were one year ago. Maybe back then, you were pressured into a relationship because of your friends. Maybe now, you’ve had a change of heart. So you’d like to spend time alone and get to know yourself better.
This is perfectly normal for teenagers. At this stage of your life, you learn more about yourself every day. You’re not likely to enjoy doing the same things you did months ago. Or even be the same person you were. You can change your mind about anyone and anything. Don’t be hard on yourself, okay?
When you stop loving someone, it’s not fair to be with them any longer. So you shouldn’t stay with your boyfriend out of pity. It’s not cool to “manage” a relationship. You both deserve better.
Sit your boyfriend down for a heart-to-heart talk. Tell him your feelings have changed. And it’s best for both of you to move on. Stay cool and calm, girl. Make sure you meet him in an open space, be kind but firm when telling him about how you feel now.
Try not to worry about what your friends will say. You’re living your life for yourself, not for anyone. Besides, if they’re your real friends, they’ll respect your decision.
Remember, it’s okay not to be in a relationship if you’re not ready. So take your time. And have fun while you’re at it.
I hope this helps. Let me know how everything goes.
Lots of Love,
Big Sister
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Ladies, I can relate with this post, a male friend of mine indirectly proposed to me, when i looked at him he was hopeful but it's my future we're talking about. I didn't want to hurt him by saying No so i didn't give him a Yes or No & kept silent but right now i wish i did. Silence Means Consent, it's best to tell him No! so you both can move on & you won't feel guilty. Thanks For Sharing.
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
9ce writeup
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
am in the xame issues with her bt mine is 3mnts am feeling guilty cos dis guy asked me out for 9mnts i gt fed up and agreed nw i dnt even knw wat to do i avoid hm lyk eva dnt lyk to see at al wat shld ido
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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Hey precious! The first thing you should know is that no matter how long or how much a person disturbs you for a relationship, you should not allow yourself to be pressured. Now that you are in the situation right now, what you should do is to let him know how you feel. There is no need for you to keep punishing yourself and also him by being in a relationship you don't want to be in. Let him know how you feel (be polite) and then let him go. It is better to end the relationship now than to keep deceiving him. We hope this helps
thks so much but we do attend the xame church feelin guilty thks
I know this guy. I was head over heels in like for him not love. I told him I liked him and he said he did not like me which was painful. He usually asked me for money almost Everytime and I gave him. We got to Ss1 and he started professing like suddenly and I was surprised because he said he did not like me at first but he likes me now. He asked me out and him being the first person to ask that ugly chick out I accepted. We were on for about a month and I was not feeling the vibe because we did not do anything. In the process of me trying to tell him my opinion on us I mistakenly broke up with him. I still liked him tho so I was feeling guilty. He said he wants to get back with me and I agreed without second thoughts we were on for about two months this time but I was feeling the vibe but I did not want to do anything with him because he's always with other girls not me and it made me feel insecure. Because we did not do anything...he left me. Now he wants to get back with me but he still has that flirty kinda lifestyle. Big sister please what should I do
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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Hey Gesi! The first thing we picked from this comment is the fact that you think you are ugly and so you should accept any guy that 'picks' you. This is so not true and this is also very wrong! You are not ugly, you should never settle for less. You are worth more than this. Now to this issue, you never loved the guy and he also never loved you so the relationship was bound to fail. He is probably with you because he feels he can use you as he can. There is no need going back to him. What you need to do is to find out what you want in a guy. Do not compromise at all... However, you need to love yourself and believe in yourself before you can even start thinking of dating. We hope this helps
The issue is that what if you don't have feelings anymore. U can't even crush on someone your emotions just stiff. Your not feeling any kind of love or emotion anymore. What will you do
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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Hey Bija! What is happening is that you have not yet seen the kind of guy to love. Your feelings are not muted but you react to someone you are attracted to. So the question is, What type of guy are you attracted to? What do you like in a guy? This will help you and guide you on what you want. The truth is that you cannot feel any form of love or emotions towards anyone if you are not attracted to them. Take your time, not every guy is worth crushing on. We hope this helps
Dear big sister. I have a similar case. A guy asked me out ,I know d effort it took for him to confess his feeling because he is a very shy type. I accepted but made it clear to him that I'm not sure I love him. The truth is that I just see him as a friend, sometimes sorry to say I get irritated when we kiss or wen he is close by. I don't know how to end it without hurting him becos I'm not free to be with the guy I truly like cos of him.
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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Hey Springster! Thanks for the comment. Like we always say, do not be in a hurry to accept a relationship especially if you are not sure of what you feel for the person. Anyway, now that you are in this situation, there is no need to keep deceiving him. Let him know how you feel (please be polite). It is better to end the relationship than for you to continue. It is a lot of stress for you and also for him because he will keep trying to please you and it is really not fair on you both. We hope this helps
Why is not Good
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
Dear Big Sister, I once had a boyfriend but we broke up because my father found out about us.I loved him and he does too,I'm saying so because he shows in a lot of crazy ways but certainly not sex.It's been one year now and he's still disturbing me,although through my very good friend because I changed my line after that. please advice me,how do I deal with it because I still love but I don't want to go back to that relationship.If my dad finds out,I'm dead and he won't be safe either.I'm afraid he might keep chasing me if I don't do something to stop him.
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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One year is a long time the first you need to consider is how do you know if he still loves you. Since u have broken up with him and you guys are not in touch with each other jst live it that way for now love always finds it's way
Hey Princess! Thanks for the comment., We totally understand what you are going through but the final decision is up to you to make. You know all the risks that are involved in going into a relationship with this boy right now so you need to be very sure of the decision you are about to make. Take your time and think it through before you make a decision. We hope this helps
Hi my name is Kul,i am 21 ,I once had a boyfriend that I love so much,but he got me pregnant and Denise me but I still love him, after the birth I lost the baby,because of that I relocated to Lagos,and I had another boyfriend who loves me so much but I only like him,because of what the love of my life did to me I decided not to marry but I want to have my own child,now am pregnant for my friend in Lagos,but now am confused because my first boyfriend want me to come to him even knowing that am pregnant he still wants to take care of me and my baby,please what should I do,i still love him advice me play
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
Big sister I had never had a crush on a guy b4 my best friend tease me I don't have a hrt bt am a korean addict I álways admire guys pls is crush nd admire d same
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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Hey Annamontez42! Thanks for the comment. Nothing is wrong with you. The fact that you have never had a crush on someone before does not mean that you do not have a heart. You just have not seen a guy that you like enough or you find attractive. Having a crush is all about attraction. If you do not like any of the guys around you, do not force it. Yes, it is perfectly fine not to have a crush on someone. We hope this helps
seriously, dis happens to me since 2015-till now. I dont even love the guy from a-z and the funniest part is dat he is not calling again but sometime tym wen i call him, he speaks in proverbs dat i dont even no d meaning. I dont no wat to do oh
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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What are you trying to say? Expatiate
Hey Ateey! Thanks for the comment. From what we understand, you said you don't love the guy at all. So there is no need to be confused at all. You shouldn't force anything with someone you do not love in the first place. We hope this helps
Big Sister please how can I go about this... am dating a guy from secondary school we broke up and we parted and he mistakenly impregnated someone and am even raped and I got pregnant and gave to a baby... He begged me to reconcile on social media.. he doesn't know have given birth.. but he had explained how he got a lady pregnant just because he love me.. I don't know how to tell him am also having a baby to an unknown father because I don't want to loose him.. Please help me...
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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There are alot of holes in your story lady. There are some points you should consider 1. If you don't tell him you're a mother, eventually he'll find out. 2. If you're scared of losing him, just think about how he'll feel if he finds out you've not been completely honest with him when he's been with you(That is if you don't tell him you have a baby). 3. It's not your fault you got raped. If he cannot accept you because you have a child, he isn't the right one for you. 4. He messed up by getting a girl pregnant when they're not maried. Eventually you get both married, what makes you think he won't make the same mistake with other girls? I'll leave the remaining for Big Sister
Hey Pleasant! Thanks for the comment. First of all, we are so sorry about what you went through. Secondly, there is no need to hide that you have a baby. It is not something that you can hide. If he even try to hide it, he will eventually find out and it will not in anyway end well and that will not be good for you. Jeff is very correct, he made very good points. Just open up and let him know the truth. If he goes, then he doesn't deserve you at all. We hope this helps
love should btw 2 people
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
it happen to me and I told him not to think about me that my people does like him that all
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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lol
big sis,there is dis boy dat luv me but he cant say it to me face to face but on facebook.we kept ourself as friend and everybody knew dat bt nt aware dat he luvs me.and dere is a particular girl dat hate seeing me and him together,i am doubting they ar dating,bt d main point is dat i dnt want neglect d guy and i dnt want to offend d girl.pls help me on wot to do cos i dnt luv d guy and i dnt want to send him off.
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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leave dem both n do wateva dats on ur mind.
I think you need to define your r
Hey olex! Thanks for the comment. The fact that you don't love him is enough. There is no need for you to force anything once you do not love the boy. If you force it, you will eventually not like the result. Let him go and move on. We hope this helps
hi big sis how can i over come bedwetting as a teenager i am so tired of it
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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Hey pay! Thanks for the comment. We are so sorry about what you are going through. We understand how painful and embarrassing it can be. Try as much as possible to reduce your water intake after 6 pm. Also, always urinate before going to bed at night. If possible, you should also urinate in the middle of the night. The first thing you should do in the morning when you wake up is to urinate also. We advise that you also talk to a trusted adult and see a doctor immediately. We hope this helps
also b4 going 2 bed make sure u set an alarm, so it can keep awake later at mid-night.we hope dis help.
Pls ma am 20years old girl dating guy of 28 years is it proper
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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Hey SMART! This is a personal decision and it is up to you to make. You should not be in a relationship with someone that makes you feel bad about yourself or doesn't trust your judgement because of your age. We hope this helps
i have a boyfriend i hate hime much than pull he had made sex with me and he dont love me again he brings girls to the house and he will see be kissing her in my presence
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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The first question is how old are you?. In all things you do age matters
The first question is how old are you?. In all things you do age matters
Hey bella! Thanks for opening up through this comment. No one should ever make you feel that way. He doesn't deserve you and you should definitely move on. It's better for you. We hope this helps
Hey Nila! Age has nothing to do with this. Asking for her age is insensitive and not the right thing to do. You should be more concerned about your fellow Springster and not their age. We hope this helps
am into a relationship,,buh i dont love the guy,,cus he disturb me alot thats y i said iyes ,,at first,,thinking my feelings will grow little by little,,buh sometimes i will hv feeling,,while sometimes hatred which i dont knw y,,buh i think he loves me,,am just tired of him,,what can i do big sister not to break his heart
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
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Hey Pamilerin45! Thanks for the comment. Saying yes to him because he disturbed you a lot was not the right thing to do. You cannot avoid breaking his heart because you are already breaking his heart. You cannot force yourself to like someone or to love the person. You need to be sure of what you feel for the person before you go into a relationship with them. The best thing you can do for him and for yourself is to end this relationship for your sanity and for him to get his freedom. His heart will be broken but it is better to be on your own than to be in a relationship you don't like. We hope this helps
that is a good idea try to see may be its the best but can you lovely with someone in your life? am waiting your answer
March 20, 2022, 7:58 p.m.
Hello big sis i have a boyfriend he is like ten years older than me but i love him i tell myself that age dont matter what really matter is the love i have for him and i know he love me too in fact his the taking care of my education.... But i dont no why anytime am with him i feel like leaving him but i do i will be like i shouldnt have left i keep on thinking about him through out the night ..what should i do
March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.
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Hey Obi! Thanks for the comment. You are with this guy because he is taking care of your education and you feel like if he leaves you, you will lose a form of free education. You are probably not in love with him but in love with the security it gives you and this is dangerous. Just imagine if he wasn't sponsoring you or giving you all the money he gives you, will you still like him? Please answer this question to yourself and be honest. We hope this helps
Big Sister Please Is It Possible To Write Here
March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.
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Hey Theodora! Yes, you can. You just did
AM A CHRISTIAN GIRL WHO CARELESSLY FELL INTO A HAND OF A NON_CHRISTIAN THAT BEATS ME ALWAYS AND WE ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEMS,SO I WANT TO KNOW THE MIND OF GOD,THANKS
March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.
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Hey BLECE! Thanks for the comment. Physical violence is NOT AN OPTION regardless of age, background or religious belief. We advise that you leave that relationship immediately for your own safety. There is a Child Advocacy Center where they help and give professional advice to young people in situations like this on what they can do to be safe. You can call them on 08 00 80 080 01. This service is completely confidential - which means they won't share what you say to them with other people. It is free which means you don’t not need to have credit before you call them. We hope this helps
It seems dis always happens but can someone go for another guy?without breaking ur relationship with d first guy u were dating.
March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.
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Hey Lizy! Relationships are not what you should jump in and out of. You need to know what you want from a relationship and you also need to heal properly from the previous relationship too before you even think about going into another relationship. Also, it is best to always carry the other person along so that they do not keep assuming that you are in a relationship with them. So, end it properly, evaluate yourself and what you want before you go into another relationship. We hope this helps
Hi, lizy.that wuld b d wrong tin to do (wich mins dat u ar chitin on d bot of dem if u shuld date d bot of dem) .if u stil lov d first guy dan dis one dat is askin u out,then stil b wit him and 4get about dis one but if u are rily in lov wit dis new guy, den u hav 2 sit d first guy down and xplen 2 him in a respectful way ,den u tel him dat u want brekup wit him and tel him y u want 2 brekup.i hop u wil hav d courage 2 do dat . Basi
Big sister, my boyfriend and I had issues and he said he needed space (he wants to be alone for a while) and it's been a month now he hasn't call... (for the past 3yrs such as Neva apun) Do you think I should call him or just focus on my life for now to avoid future complications. What do u think?
March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.
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Hey Springster! We have replied this comment in the other article you commented on. We advise that you go to that article to read big sister's response. We hope this helps
Big sis, I want to break up with my bf because ....i don't just no gon is like d feeling is no more deer... I don't no how to go about it
March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.
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Hey beautifulgold! Thanks for the comment. This article was written for you. Just like Wunmmi-in-wahala, most girls go through a hard time breaking up with their boyfriends but we advise that you read the article and get tips on how to go about it. We hope this helps
Hi big sister, there is this guy in my area we av not talk bfor but recently he walked up to me and said dat he wants us to be extra close becos of d way and manner I do things and been special among other girls in my area,we discussed at length about school matters and d rest of the things but right now I don't know what to do plz help Bfor I do something funny
March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.
Yes my feelings for my boyfriend has changed guess I will have to tell him that I'm no longer instrested with the relationship, but how will I start what will I say??
March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.
even me I always hide away from him even today
March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.
Well its not your fault,you were just being anxious and wanted to fell among does who have boyfriends so its not your fault,
March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.
Big sis am 16 years old am dating an 18 years old boy but the boy does not visit me becus he live aboard and he dont contact me but is cousin is my classmate she do tell me about him the boy will be coming back till 5 years time but he dont call me and he does not reply to my text should i wait for him or should i break the relationship
March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.
U dnt like ur boyfriend and u ar still calling him ur boyfriend
March 20, 2022, 7:55 p.m.
Sis hu u like is hu u will love
March 20, 2022, 7:55 p.m.
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does heights matter in a relationship??
At wat age is d best 2 begin a relationship as a girl?
March 20, 2022, 7:55 p.m.
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Hi reps! There is no direct age abt getting into a relationship all of it has to do with maturity nd readiness moreover it is a personal decision, hope this helps.
Big sister I'm having feelings for a boy but i don't know how to tell him please i need your help.
March 20, 2022, 7:55 p.m.
Can a girl date at the age of 12
March 20, 2022, 7:55 p.m.
Dear Tano, Dating is a personal decision and there is no particular age for dating. It just have to do with being matured enough to handle a relationship.
March 20, 2022, 7:55 p.m.
Hy everyone am new here can anyone say hello to me
March 20, 2022, 7:55 p.m.
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Hello mhz tessy, u are welcome to this group
Please help me I want to know if what I did was right or wrong,I met this guy he ask me out I told him I have a bf but he said that as far as am not married that am for no one ,I told him that I am going to think about it though I need a caring bf my bf isn't caring at all so I said yes to him but I hate I thing"smoking" but he smoke I never knew about it until that day I said yes to him and he ask for a kiss,at this point I got to know that he smoke then my feelings changed. After a week I went to tell him that I am no more interested that I can't double date on the same street thought my bf isn't on that street but that was just my excuse. Now he's always reminding me that we had once had a good time kisses that what do I need to hide again cos he had touched my breast on clothes but av not seen my nakedness yet. But he's making m
March 20, 2022, 7:55 p.m.
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Now he's making me feel like a ho,I want to know if what I did was right or wrong by stopping the relationship. Thank you.
Hi Presh212, As long as you have decided to not date this other boy, you should stick to your decision and don't let him intimidate you. Many people do not know how to deal with rejection and end up insulting people or telling lies about them just because someone told them NO. But it is your right to say no and it is best to stay away from this boy as much as you can because he is not mature enough to accept your decision. We hope this helps.
hi big sis i need ur help plz i jxt broke up wit my bf some weeks ago cuz i was no longer intrested in dating any guy nd now anoda guy is asking me to b his galfrnd nd he even want to marry me buh i tink am not intrested nd he has been so caring buh i dont luv him nd i want to tell him buh am kind of shy nd scared plz help.
March 20, 2022, 7:54 p.m.
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Hi jjmi, Sometimes we meet people that are nice and interested in dating us. But if you are not also interested in the person, the relationship will probably not last. You already decided not to date anymore before you met this new guy. So tell him you made this decision already and you think it is the best thing for you right now. If he really cares he should understand that you need to follow your heart. We hope this helps.
Hello Jjmi, please girl kindly or tell him that you don't love him and you are not interested in the relationship than keeping him in the dark thinking that you love him.
March 20, 2022, 7:54 p.m.
Hello Mhz_Tessy, you did the right thing because nobody has the right to make you feel bad or talk down on you. Its better on how you stop the relationship before its too late. By the you are welcome to this platform.
March 20, 2022, 7:54 p.m.
Hello Mhz_Tessy, You did the right thing, nobody has the right to make you feel bad or talk down on you. It is better on how you stopped the relationship since you are not comfortable with it. By the way, You are welcome to this platform. Nice to meet you.
March 20, 2022, 7:54 p.m.
Hi! Big Sister. I got to into a new school, and there are two best friends who want to date me.i honestly don't know what to do, i don't want to accept one's and leave the other person hurt. please what should i do
March 20, 2022, 7:54 p.m.
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Hi Theodora, So sorry you are in such a difficult situation. If you do not really really like or love one of the 2 friends, it is better to not date any of them. This is because, it may break up the friendship if you choose 1 person and they may end up blaming you for ending their friendship. So if you do not have strong feelings for either one, then it is better to stay away from the situation. We hope this helps.
Pls be careful in a situation like this. Maybe it's just that they made a bet on who would date u first and since ur new in d school pls ask around
My advise for you is to break up since you don't have fell for Him any more
March 20, 2022, 7:54 p.m.
Go on tell him ur mind
March 20, 2022, 7:54 p.m.