Dear Big Sister: I don’t love my boyfriend any more

It’s okay to let go

Dear Big Sister: I don’t love my boyfriend any more

Dear Big Sister,
I’M IN BIG TROUBLE!!! Sorry for being so dramatic, but I really need your help. See ehn, my boyfriend is such a nice guy. He’s super caring. And he’s like this with everyone, not just me. My friends say I’m lucky to have him.

I won’t lie o, I wasn’t sure about my feelings when I agreed to date him. I liked him, but I didn’t love him that much. I thought love would grow. All my friends had boyfriends, and I was sick of being left out. But one year later, I just don’t love him anymore! It’s not that we quarreled. Or that he did something bad to me. I just woke up one morning and my feelings had totally changed!

I used to like his laughter. But now when he laughs, I want to run away. I don’t even enjoy his company like before. Sometimes I want to be by myself. But he never lets me.

I’m not happy! I so want to break up with him! But I feel bad because it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said yes to dating him at all. I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want my friends to think I’m crazy.

What do I do, Big Sister? Please help!!!


Dear Wunmi-in-Wahala,
I’m glad you shared your story. You’re not being dramatic. You’re just anxious, which is normal in such situations.

It sounds as if you’re different from who you were one year ago. Maybe back then, you were pressured into a relationship because of your friends. Maybe now, you’ve had a change of heart. So you’d like to spend time alone and get to know yourself better.

This is perfectly normal for teenagers. At this stage of your life, you learn more about yourself every day. You’re not likely to enjoy doing the same things you did months ago. Or even be the same person you were. You can change your mind about anyone and anything. Don’t be hard on yourself, okay?

When you stop loving someone, it’s not fair to be with them any longer. So you shouldn’t stay with your boyfriend out of pity. It’s not cool to “manage” a relationship. You both deserve better.

Sit your boyfriend down for a heart-to-heart talk. Tell him your feelings have changed. And it’s best for both of you to move on. Stay cool and calm, girl. Make sure you meet him in an open space, be kind but firm when telling him about how you feel now.

Try not to worry about what your friends will say. You’re living your life for yourself, not for anyone. Besides, if they’re your real friends, they’ll respect your decision.

Remember, it’s okay not to be in a relationship if you’re not ready. So take your time. And have fun while you’re at it.

I hope this helps. Let me know how everything goes.

Lots of Love,
Big Sister

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  • love
  • friendship
  • relationship