Read this before having sex

Chidinma tells all

Read this before having sex

I had sex for the first time when I was 15.

My boyfriend lived down the street. We met at our neighbourhood end of year party. After we dated for three months, he asked me to have sex with him. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I wanted to please him. I wanted to prove I was a “big girl.” So I agreed and we did it.

Afterwards, he grew distant. When I asked if we could meet up, he made up all kinds of excuses. He stopped replying my texts, answering my calls. My bestie said he had “ghosted” me. “Ghosting” is when someone you’re dating cuts you off with no explanation. I couldn’t believe it. I felt used.

I tried to remember why I slept with him. I thought about how it made me feel. I felt as if I’d lost control of my own body. I was filled with regret. I needed to talk to someone older before things got worse.

One day, I opened up to my big sister. I told her everything. It wasn’t easy, but I trusted her completely. I knew my secret was safe with her.

She helped me realise that having sex at a young age comes with risks. It brings on so many emotions: fear, guilt, regret, anger and anxiety. She assured me that my feelings were completely normal, so I shouldn’t be too hard on myself.

Next, I had to forgive myself. Yes, it sounds dramatic. But it was worth it. I accepted that I hadn’t done anything wrong, that it wasn’t my fault.

If I could do it all over again, I’d make sure I’m absolutely ready before having sex. First, my partner and I would have a heart-to-heart talk so we’d be on the same page. I wouldn’t do anything I’m not comfortable with. Most importantly, I’d never do something just to please someone else.

Sex. One word, a thousand questions. When to do it, when not to do it. Thing is, there are no easy answers. However, if you choose to have sex early, there are certain things you should know. So we’re glad Chidinma shared her story with us.

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  • sex
  • love
  • relationships