It’s not your fault

Don’t blame yourself

Your thoughts (11)

It started like any other day. I hung out with my friends in the community centre. We had lots of fun as usual. They said nice things about my red top. It felt so good.

At 4pm, I headed home. I took the same busy route I always take. There were two boys at the junction. I’d seen them around before, so it was no big deal. I walked past them and kept moving.

Next thing, I heard footsteps behind me. I had a bad feeling. My heart began to pound. A voice in my head said, ‘Run!’ and I took off immediately. But I wasn’t fast enough. Two rough pairs of hands grabbed me. I turned and gasped. The boys from the junction!

I struggled to break free, but they were very strong. They even tore my top! With all my strength, I kicked one of them in the groin. He screamed and let go of me. The noise distracted the other boy, and I finally broke free.

I ran back to the community centre. My friends panicked when they saw me. I was panting so hard I couldn’t talk. Eventually, I told them everything. We hurried to the junction, but the boys were gone.

Some people were passing by. They asked us what happened, and we told them. One man asked if I didn’t know any girl who wore red was asking for trouble. Another man said if I’d greeted the boys, they wouldn’t have attacked me. A young woman said I should have stayed home and read my books.

I felt ashamed and guilty. I should have worn plain clothes. I should have said hi to the boys. It was all my fault.

At home, I barely said a word to my parents. I remained moody for the rest of the day. The next morning, my Mum asked me what was wrong. I broke down and opened up to her. She was so warm and understanding. But she was upset when she heard what those people said! She told me that it wasn’t my fault, that I should never blame myself for others' behaviour. She said those boys wanted to harm me and this had nothing to do with what I wore or said. She also pointed out all the things I did right like listen to the voice in my head that said I should run, she also said I was right in reporting this and that it is never OK to keep quiet when something like this happens. I felt much better.

My Mum told my Dad about my attack. He reported to the neighbourhood security men, who are now searching for the boys.

At first, I wanted to stop going to the community centre. But my parents said I shouldn’t put my life on hold. So I still hang out with my friends and do the things I love. I won’t let anyone and anything bring me down. I am a survivor. I am strong.

If you’ve ever been in Zina’s situation, please don’t blame yourself. You’re not responsible for other people’s actions. If you like, confide in a trusted adult such as an older sister, an aunty – or even a parent like Zina did.

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Your thoughts

Hey big sis what if for example a girl dat has been pressed by a guy .Pressed in d sense dat she was continuously touched by a girl and she didnt mean 2 involue in dat act nd it was don in their school . Den everyone in her class knows about it how should she feel because her class can use it against her at anytym .Should she stop schooling dere

March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.

Latest Reply

Hey Springster! Thanks for the comment. You do not necessarily have to leave your school for that reason. Why will you tell your parents that you want to leave the school for? It is not worth it. Now, we understand how embarrassing it can be when everyone in your class knows about such a thing but the truth is that you need to be confident and responsible for your actions too. It can happen to everyone but it should not define you and your personality. Be strong and face it head-on! Trust me, after a while, everyone will forget about it and it will just be some old gist. We hope this helps

Hey big sis..there is this boy who says dat he loves...but I don't due to d fact dat I don't feel anything for him.he always force me like last week he wanted to have a romance with me..but I refuse..so he pin me to d wall..n started doing it..i try pushing him but it was hard..but at last he let go... Pls big sis I need ur advice on wat to do should i was planning on avoiding him...pls big sis I need ur advice..thnks

March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.

Latest Reply

Hey Anonymous2! Thanks for the comment. First of all, you need to report this guy to a trusted adult because he physically and sexually assaulted you. The fact that he loves you does not mean that he should force himself on you. You need to tell someone immediately. And yes, you should avoid him immediately. He didn't succeed this time so he will try again and will do everything to succeed and have his way. This guy is not the type of person any girl should hangout with or even date. Please, we advise that you also should be careful and try not to be in compromising positions with people you do not really know and people you do not trust too. We hope this helps

i am new here hi girls

March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.

The story is interesting, don't constantlybblame yourself for everything that happens. In life there are up's and down's, at the end everything turns out for good. Because with God all things are possible. Hey springsters I've been busy lately but I'm back, I will like to tell each and everyone here that I♡u and also God ♥'s u and I pray that everyone in springster shall never regret been a springster. Goodnight!

March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.

Latest Reply

Thanks Fortune!

Big sis I am currently date a guy whom I love deeply Buh m uncomfortable wit d way he chat wit his bestie calling her sweetie Nd he said itz ntin nd he even gave me his password I tink I ave trust issue wat can I do pls

March 20, 2022, 7:57 p.m.

Latest Reply

Hey Iphe! Thanks for the comment. You should talk to him about it and let him know that you are not comfortable with that. Communication is very important in a relationship and you both need to express yourselves about how you feel. This is why we say that relationships are for mature people and you have to be ready mentally and emotionally. We hope this helps

Hi big sis,I've been molested by different, people and most of them are my relatives,I can't tell anyone and I've been living with this feeling of being worthless, I can't tell my mum bcos she's like those people the lady in the article met on the road,little issues that I'll tell her will cause so much problems at home and shell end up blaming me,she say all manner of things just bcos a guy stops me on the road like I'm it my fault Someone has feelings for me, I can't open up to did kind of person, my parents have never been married and my dad hasn't taken responsibility from day one so I can't even talk to him,I seriously need help cause I'm dying of depression and the feeling of worthlessness, pls wat should I do

March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.

Hi Big sis, I have a boss who always like touching me, when no one is around, The other day I was busy with my work, and he came close to me and kissed me, I have warn him several to stop those silt act. I don't know what to do.

March 20, 2022, 7:56 p.m.